Harry Pothead and the halflegal nympho
by BrightHeartless
Summary: Really random story about Harry Pothead's adventures. couples everyoneeveryone else. Have fun reading kiddies! MWAHAHAHA! good!Tom.


>> I don't own harry Potter or KH2 or LOTR or Star wars and i give credit to Wel Zen for giving me the idea of hobo's. And to Mad Magazine for the - 'half legal nympho' thing.

Thanks to all! have fun ...

* * *

One day a boy/girl ... what ever, named Harry Pot-head decided to go and play Quiddich in the middle of the night. _It is night time, he told himself. It's just bright that's all._ He always did that, since he could never get to sleep because of his nightmares. But this time he met a boy that he'd never seen before. (scary ...) 

'Hello, I'm Severus.' He then waved and faded into nothing.

Pot-head kept walking and muttered random things about the stupid, random, popping-up of stupid peoples. Then he came to a giant ditch which must have been dug by a giant bug, he figured. So he climbed into it and came across a hobo.

'I want your kiiiiids!!!' said the hobo.

'Well I can't find them, so you miss out.' He said to the really scary one-winged hobo that had white-ish hair that stood up really high at the front. He also had a long sword, which gave Harry a nose-bleed.

'I am Sephiroth! I order you to have my kids!!' he yelled but Harry was to busy jacking-off in the corner (yes, ditches have corners) while thinking about that boy he met earlier.

'God my life sucks.' He said suddenly standing up.

'What the fu – 'said Hobo-roth as he shut his eyes quickly. 'Put some pants on noob!'

He then spontaneously combusted due to blood-loss and bits of his body flew everywhere. _Well, now I need the toilet,_ thought Harry as he walked into the Quiddich pitch.

'Hey Potter!' said a strange sounding, half-pom, half-american accent. 'I bet yo can't catch mah ass!' said D-dawg going all nigga up in the sky. Harry looked up and cried;

'nas ne dogonyat!' Draco's eyes went all big and puffy and he started to cry.

'Really?!' he said, flying down to the ground and shooting his broom to splinters with his black-man gun. _Harry is sooo hawt damn I want that guy bad right now! _Thought Draco as he started jacking-off in the corner (hehe I love corners) Then Dumbledore appeared in a cloud of green hundreds-and-thousands. (He picked all the green ones out himself.)

'Harry my boy … or girl … whatever; I have grave news for you.' He stated in a very slow voice. Harry sat under an umbrella stabbing pictures of Beyonce and listening as if stoned. 'You have a condition know to the public as; skitsa-fre-hobo-itis. It's very serious and you could die if we don't treat it in … (count with us people) 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Ok yep, now it's deadly.'

* * *

Harry woke up to see Draco on his bed jacking-off again. 'Am I in heaven?' he said. 

'Uuuh … noo, I don't think ….uhh, so. Aaah … LUCIUS!!!!1' Said/screamed Draco as he finished off and looked at Harry. 'Soz wtf man?'

Harry just nodded and fell back into a half-vegetable-like coma-state and dreamed very retarded things … as usual.

* * *

He was sitting in a house when someone overhead said; 'This is the family learning channel.' And bees started flying towards him. He jumped up and ran around screaming around the round-like place and felt very out-numbered. By the bees. That wanted his babies. Now. Then a boy about his age (we don't really know) sat next to him and poked him with a pop stick. 'You don't look yummy,' said the blonde-haired boy who wasn't Draco. Harry had the feeling he'd seen the boy before. Probably in one of his wet-dreams, he figured. _He's got really big feet, you know what that means._ Harry thought. (wink, wink) He started talking about heart-less or something … then the dream faded and he saw three people looking at him. One was a girl with brown hair and blue eyes. She had a freckle on the tip of her nose and was dressed in a teal shirt. The next person had brown hair too but had a hat on and no one could tell if 'it' was a chick or not. The other was pale … and emo. Let's call that one Elle. The first one poked Harry and licked him. 'Yup, he's real.' She said. The second one looked at the first with anger. 'Don't lick it! What about me!?' … 'Oh yeah,' said the first and they went and shagged in a corner. Harry felt as if he was falling then, like … the whole world was dying and suddenly a thousand feathers fell with him. There was music and light around him ... ... and then he went and wrecked it by farting. 'Oh, good one!' said Elle as she rode away through the darkness on an orange scooter.

* * *

Harry woke up once again (damn) but this time there was tons of people in the room. Like, everyone from Harry potter was there and so were all the LOTR characters. They were on different sides of the room trying to kill each other with their glares. 

'Sup yo.' Said Harry going all black-dude on 'em.

'Omg! I do believe dear old Pot-head has woken up.' said a very OOC Ron. 'let's all greet him, shall we? Oh right-o I'll go first. Hello Harry!'

'I gon shoot you ass-hole for raping mah mum and killin the music. THE MUSIC IS DEAD!!' shouted Harry showering everyone with slag.

'mmm, slag …' said Tom.

'Oh, hi Tom.' Said Harry.

'I don't like your girlfriend!' yelled Legolas who shot Demyx who appeared out-of-nowhere with the whole KH2 crew. The bullet went through Demyx and he laughed.

'Mwahaha! You can't defeat me. I have become more powerful since the last time we met.' He said pulling out a light-saber and disappeared under Harry's bed. Never to be seen again.

'Demyx!!' cried Roxas, who was, like soo in love with him. (duh) then axel slapped him and they went and rapped Draco in a … CORNER!! Snape, who is no longer (lol) a little boy, went aand … gouged out his eyes after seeing the three guys going for it. Because he is a huge (lolz) homophobe.

Harry stood on a random stage and picked up a microphone and started telling everyone about his dream for the future.

'I have a dream … in which the world is free of yao –' WHACK! Harry fell off the stage as Utada Hikaru kicked Harry, grabbed the mike and started singing.

_I run a secret propaganda! _

_Aren't we all hiding pieces of broken …_

_Anger! I'm just trying to remember who I can call._

_Oh who can I … CALL!_

By that time the music was really loud like a club and it was dark too. Everyone was dancing and the people in corners were still sexing. Demyx came back and started dirty dancing with Tom and that caused Lucius a life-long boner. Utada kept singing her little heart out and it was all very fun until somebody lost an eye.

'Oh shit' said the chick from Final Fantasy who has THE biggest crush on Cloud, and her name escapes me … and dies because of all the blood coming from her eye. After being sexed, Draco stood in front Harry and helped him off his sexy-as ass.

'I love you Harry!' he declared as he bent over on one knee and asked Harry to marry him. Problem was, Draco was a nympho, and Harry had standards. Draco promised he'd only be a half-nympho and Harry accepted. Then they lived happily ever after, after Harry having 5 kids and Draco having 4.

* * *

Plez don't hurt meh!! I'm high and if i get any worse i'll owe my friend 10 muny. lol 

Anyway I don't mean to bitch about all the characters i was just trying to be random ... so dont be insulted by it!! hehe

I will accept flames ppl! u cant hurt me but u can kill me! ok? yah im from sveden. therefore im imortal. lol

im not from sweden. haha got u!! i win! runs off

... hits tree dies of blood-loss

review!


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